JAMB Tragedy: Experts Urge Parents to Value Children Beyond Grades
In a society where future prospects are frequently determined by academic achievement, young pupils may face tremendous pressure. The fear of failing a test can have terrible effects on certain people, including suicidal thoughts. The recent tragedy of a young star who committed suicide after receiving a bad JAMB result served as a stark reminder of this harsh reality.
Although obtaining academic achievement is crucial, good parenting is about much more than academics. It entails fostering a child’s capacity to flourish on their own in a variety of spheres of life.
Woman’s Own spoke with Dr. Toyin Sanbe, a clinical and clinical-health psychologist; Mrs. Olaitan Wahab, an educator at Excel Star Learners (ESL); Fausat Ibrahim, a certified and licensed Management and Administration Consultant; and Tayo Owosina, the Lead Psychotherapist at Mindful Edge Counselling and the Founder, YALES Initiative, in response to the recent suicide of a 17-year-old girl. They discussed why regulations that relieve academic pressure are desperately needed and how modern parenting necessitates both online and offline interaction.
Effective parenting and academic achievement are not the same thing, according to Owosina..
According to Mindful Edge Experts’ Lead Psychotherapist Tayo Owosina, the feeling of failure can become debilitating, especially if a young person perceives it as an insurmountable barrier. A single failure can feel like the last straw for many people, particularly those who are already struggling with mental health conditions like anxiety or depression. “A child who is mentally vulnerable may experience an overwhelming sense of hopelessness as a result of that failure.”
She clarified that failing an exam can be the final straw for someone who has been battling in silence for a while.
According to Owosina, the Sectoral Head of Child and Adolescent Counseling at CASSON, Lagos, Nigeria, and the Vice President of the African Network of Professional Counselors (ANEPCO), this phenomenon is not unique to Nigeria; suicide is acknowledged as one of the primary causes of death for young people globally. This issue needs to be addressed immediately. The expert stresses that “we must concentrate on helping our youth build resilience in the face of adversity.” “For young people to realize that there are alternatives to suicide, we must establish an atmosphere in which they can communicate their difficulties without worrying about criticism.”
“Several variables frequently contribute to the depressing emotions that can follow academic failure. Teachers, school counselors, parents, and other caregivers often fail to recognize the long-term distress that many young people endure. A child’s sense of hopelessness is intensified when they feel ignored and unsupported. When failure is stigmatized in a family, the pressure can become intolerable. She clarified.
Owosina added that these emotions can be exacerbated by underlying problems like bullying. “A child who has experienced bullying regularly may feel alone and unsupported, which makes them turn to harmful coping strategies like drug usage or gang membership for comfort. This type of distress develops gradually rather than appearing suddenly. The analyst pointed out that the exam-failing episode might be the final straw.
Any severe emotional experience, such as academic failure, might set off another crisis, and children with a history of suicide attempts are especially vulnerable. This risk is further increased by exposure to substances such as drugs and alcohol.
“As society struggles with these difficult problems, the emphasis needs to change to encouraging candid conversations about mental health and developing safe spaces for youth. We may assist in averting disasters and directing our children toward healthier coping mechanisms during difficult times by addressing these underlying issues and identifying the warning signs early on.
The misconception that suicide is a Gen Z phenomenon
Owosina dispels the myth that individuals in Generation Z are the only ones who commit suicide.” Given their continuous exposure to social media, it is true that this generation may be more vulnerable, but the problem is far more complicated. News of suicides, whether in the UK, Indonesia, or Canada, spreads swiftly online in today’s globalized society. Because of this extensive exposure, people may feel motivated to take action after learning about such tragedies, a phenomenon known as “copycat suicide.”
“A child’s vulnerabilities can be greatly increased by social media. There are concerning cases when social media posts about suicide have taught young people how to kill themselves. These updates have the potential to unintentionally affect those who are already struggling when they spread online. It’s critical to realize that suicide is a serious problem that needs an immediate response; it’s not a trend. We run the risk of making young people even more vulnerable to mental health crises if we keep putting them in stressful situations.
Systemic gaps must be addressed.
Policies that enhance students’ mental health and lessen the strain of academics are needed now. Considerable progress is being made in this area in locations like Lagos State. I had the privilege of serving on a technical working group that was entrusted with updating the state’s youth policy. We were able to successfully incorporate mental health care for youth in a more useful way than was previously the case.
It’s crucial to stress that good parenting and academic achievement are not the same thing. Our school system places a high value on academic achievement, but we also need to give our kids emotional safety nets. We must reframe failure as a chance for development and education rather than as something to be ashamed of.
“Instead of stigmatizing failure, we must treat it with empathy. It is crucial to normalize discussions about failure because it is a learning experience rather than a goal. Young people go through a flurry of feelings and ideas, and we need to recognize and help them through these difficulties.
Policies that reduce academic pressure are necessary.
“When youth express problems, schools ought to listen to them more closely. Being proactive enables them to spot problems early and avert disasters before they arise. At every level, preventive measures are more economical. I think that programs that reduce academic pressure are necessary at the governmental level. Academic success shouldn’t be determined only by grades. The social and emotional intelligence of a youngster must also be taken into account.
Do we support them in forming wholesome relationships? Are we encouraging their individual qualities, self-worth, and self-awareness? We will keep coming back to the same problems until we incorporate these elements into our assessment systems. It is unjust to hold a child responsible for feeling under pressure to perform well academically when they are aware that doing so could disappoint their parents.
To young people: keep in mind that grades are not the only indicator of academic success, even though it’s vital to concentrate on them. Equally significant are your self-awareness, social and emotional competence, interpersonal interactions, and emotional regulation skills. Your grades don’t define you. Consider failure as helpful criticism that aids in your development.
You can find it difficult to appreciate achievement in the future if you don’t understand how to deal with failure. It could be difficult for a child who struggles in school to succeed in relationships or the workplace. Failure is a chance for growth rather than the end.
According to Dr. Sanbe, children are products of their surroundings.
The concerning incidence of juvenile suicide was brought to light in a moving interview with Dr. Toyin Sanbe. He bemoaned, “It is a sad reality that young people are taking their own lives,” highlighting the part that parental absence plays in this problem. Today’s parents need to be active both online and off. Children today deal with internet pressures that can make their problems worse, in contrast to earlier times when difficulties were mostly dealt with in person.
Sanbe brought attention to a troubling trend: youngsters frequently seek comfort and guidance from their friends after experiencing academic setbacks. “A child may feel trapped and think that suicide is the only way out of such threats if a parent tells them, ‘If you fail your exam, consider yourself dead,'” he stated. He mentioned a recent instance of a girl who committed suicide after failing her UTME exam, pointing out that psychological damage caused by threats from parents can persist for a long time after they are made.
Within this heartbreaking story, the psychologist identified a larger problem: “The test board admitted a mistake in their grading system less than a week after her death. This emphasizes an important fact: failing an exam does not mean failing in life. He emphasized the significance of getting psychiatric help, noting that many young people do not seek expert advice when they are experiencing emotional difficulties.
Sanbe explored the nature of family relationships and proposed that the girl’s sense of inadequacy might have been exacerbated by sibling rivalry. He pointed out that she might have been more distressed because she was thought of as the “dullest” member of her family. The board’s ironic acknowledgment of wrongdoing simply serves to highlight how important it is to be resilient when faced with obstacles in life.
Sambe reminded us that life is full of ups and downs. “Even if we frequently fail to achieve our goals, it’s crucial to understand how to overcome these challenges. As they say, “make lemonade if life gives you lemons.” He referred to Wole Soyinka, a well-known author who rose to prominence despite not graduating with first-class honors. These instances are potent reminders that one’s future is not defined by setbacks.
The psychologists also underlined how important it is for parents to examine how they behave with their kids. “Parents must realize that their words have consequences. Parental threats were frequently disregarded in earlier generations, but they can now have disastrous results. He made the point that a lot of parents nowadays don’t participate enough in their kids’ lives, which frequently makes them feel alone and distant.
“When we were young, our parents would be waiting for us when we got home; nowadays, kids frequently depend on drivers or other caregivers to provide them with emotional support,” Sanbe noted. Children may develop relationships with people who may not be looking out for their best interests as a result of this change in family dynamics.
At the end of the day, Sanbe’s message is unambiguous: parents and society at large share responsibility for raising and directing children. He concluded that children are products of their surroundings and do not raise themselves. “It’s time we recognize these problems and collaborate to build a framework that supports our young people.”
Respectful communication with educators can improve a child’s development as a whole — Mrs. Wahab.
As she considers how educational dynamics have changed over time, Mrs. Wahab observes a notable change in the teacher-student dynamic. “We were much closer to our teachers when we were growing up,” she recalls. Many parents who once had close relationships with teachers now discover that these relationships have changed. Although educators now uphold professional boundaries, she stresses that parents must foster cooperative connections with their children’s teachers.
She says, “Teachers are partners in your child’s development.” Parents should value their role in guiding and character development rather than only seeing themselves as teachers. A child’s overall development and learning experience can be improved by having polite conversations with teachers.
Mrs. Wahab notes, “We live in a very pressured, dense society where everyone wants to outdo another,” highlighting her conviction that success is not solely determined by education.
Her viewpoint exhorts parents to acknowledge the pressures placed on their kids. Although aiming for academic success is admirable and well ingrained in Nigerian society, Mrs. Wahab maintains that a child’s overall well-being should not be sacrificed in the sake of this goal. “Your child’s emotional and psychological well-being shouldn’t be sacrificed in the name of academic achievement,” she warns. She clarifies that a child’s value or prospects are not determined by a “C” grade.
She promotes households where effort is valued, mistakes are seen as opportunities for growth, and open communication thrives in order to create a loving atmosphere. She counsels parents to “be your child’s biggest sounding board and cheerleader.” “Hear their fears, acknowledge their little successes, and support them through obstacles.”
She also exhorts parents to understand that a combination of education and talent frequently results in extraordinary achievement. She goes on to stress the value of a well-rounded childhood by advising parents to “encourage your children to explore their interests beyond academics.”
Making Mental Health a Priority
Mrs. Wahab also discusses the stresses that young people encounter in a setting that is quite competitive. She exhorts the youth to “define your success.” True success is frequently a personal experience, yet it’s normal to feel pressured to fit in or outperform peers. She tells pupils that if they have truly done their hardest and learnt from their mistakes, it is okay to get a “C.”
She understands that “it takes courage to admit you’re struggling” and advises young people to seek help from trustworthy adults, such as parents, teachers, or school counselors, when they’re feeling overwhelmed. Their advice can be useful in navigating the challenges of life and reaffirming the importance of mental health in addition to academic achievement.
The Function of the Government in Holistic Development
Mrs. Wahab urges the government to give the education system’s holistic development top priority. She makes the case that “education goes beyond rote learning and exam performance,” supporting laws that foster the development of new talents, critical thinking, creativity, and emotional intelligence. In order to alleviate the psychological pressures that students encounter, she emphasizes the necessity of comprehensive counseling services in all educational institutions.
Developing Community Assistance
Reviving community involvement is crucial, according to Mrs. Wahab, who reflects on the waning sense of collective responsibility for child development. “It takes a village to train a child,” she says, calling on the government to fund neighborhood projects and activities that promote mentoring and give kids safe places after school.
In light of juvenile suicide, responsible parenting — Ibrahim
Ibrahim said, “It is heartbreaking to witness a child take such a drastic step,” expressing her profound sadness over the surge in juvenile suicide. Suicide should never be seen as a possibility, regardless of the situation. It removes the chance of recovery altogether. She underlined that it was ultimately too late, even if the young person sought assistance and received short-term respite, such as palm oil to numb emotional agony.
Ibrahim emphasized the importance of parents and exhorted them to accept their roles as friends, coaches, and mentors to their kids. “We need to make an effort to understand our kids,” she stated. “We share their burden if they are in pain, and we share their joy if they are celebrating.”
Parents may establish trust and make sure their kids know they can confide in them by creating an open atmosphere where kids feel free to introduce their friends and talk about their problems.
Ibrahim made the point that kids who don’t receive the right kind of mentoring could feel overpowered by life’s obstacles. She cautioned, “A child who experiences physical assault, threats, or insults may internalize the belief that failure is unacceptable, leading to feelings of worthlessness.” “Every child is at risk if they are not raised properly.”
She emphasized that it is the duty of parents, who are the children’s primary caregivers, to teach them that there are other ways to succeed. Ibrahim said, “There are a lot of vocational and trade schools available if a child does not get admitted to university.” “Formal and informal business schools provide more opportunities for success.”
She advised parents without formal education to seek help from school counselors, who can help kids get through difficult times. “The government also has a role to play by funding teacher training and making sure that all schools have licensed counselors on staff who can offer students ongoing support.”
Ibrahim encouraged parents to teach their children early on that there are several paths to achievement. Children will unavoidably fail along the way, but these setbacks teach them important lessons that help them grow, she said.
Ibrahim emphasized the value of parental participation in the current digital era. She suggested that parents make time in their hectic schedules to participate in their kids’ extracurricular activities. Parents must monitor their children’s relationships and offer direction because many kids connect with potentially dangerous influences online. “You can help your child overcome these obstacles by being their best friend and teaching them good values,” she continued.
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